Hey Chaplain, I’m Anxious

Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people ask, “Hey Chaplain, got a minute?”  About 1 out of every 4 “hey chaplain” conversations can be traced back to the unholy trinity: fear, anxiety, and worry.

We Americans are an anxious society—due in part to being the “land of opportunity.”  Our freedom guards against oppression, giving us free will to act and choose as we see fit.  Great—free will is a wonderful thing.

But free will comes with the burden of personal responsibility: what if I act poorly or choose the wrong option?  Now I’m worried about failures and missed opportunities.  This is the reason Soren Kierkegaard said, “anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”

We have a lot of freedom in America.

The dizziness of freedom shows up differently for each of us:

•  “I’m worried about my marriage.”
• “My son was diagnosed… It’s got me fearful for his future.”
• “The commander called me to her office.  I’m nervous because I have no idea what she wants.”
• “I just found out I can’t stay in the Air Force.  I’m scared about what’ll happen in the future.”
• “I’m afraid I’ll get caught.”
• “I’m worried I won’t get better.”
• “I get to choose a new job when I re-enlist, but I’m stressing over which one would be best for me.”
• “I’m anxious all the time, and I don’t know why.”

From insomnia to dizziness, crying to panic attacks, there are as many symptoms of anxiety as there are treatments.  Relief from symptoms is temporary without addressing the cause:  Why do we get so afraid, and why is it so difficult to shake certain fears? 

According to Freud [1],[2] :

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I often tell Airmen and families, “My area of responsibility is the health of your soul.”  And there’s hope!—because fear cannot withstand a healthy soul. 

So, I’d like to share some perspectives on fear and anxiety that have helped me and the Airmen I care for.  I pray something below might strengthen your soul against anxiety’s dizziness.

To get started, here are a few observations about fear:

Fear is exciting

Fear is a curious emotion.  If it’s on our own terms, we willingly seek it out.  Fear has its own holiday, movie genre, and recreation industry—from roller coasters to skydiving.  Simulated fear is something we invite into our lives.

But the moment we stop feeling “in control,” fear loses its appeal and we want nothing to do with it.  As you already know, “inviting” fear to leave isn’t that easy.  Fear always outstays its welcome.

Fear is immune to logic

It makes you a bad listener—especially to legitimate reasons for you not to be afraid.  Fear keeps you from seeing solutions or sources of hope.

Fear lives in the future

It makes you a bad prophet—especially when it comes to predictions of things going wrong.  Fear keeps you from acknowledging your horrible track record at predicting disaster.

Humans are bad prophets. Our track record at predicting disaster should inspire optimism. You've already survived things you thought you wouldn't. #butDidYouDie Click To Tweet

Fear is impatient

It makes you a bad companion—especially when it requires dedication.  Fear keeps you from tending to the other people and problems in your life who need time and attention.  Fear is used to being the boss, so putting it on hold is not easy.

Fear has something to say

One mark of maturity is knowing which emotions to take seriously and which ones you can safely ignore.  Fear has never been an emotion we could safely ignore.  Whether it’s your amygdala telling you to run from a predator, or your hippocampus telling you to take a closer look, fear has something to say.

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What we Value

Fear tells us where we’re vulnerable—or, at least where we think we are vulnerable.  It’s the light on our dashboard signaling danger.  More to the point: it signals danger to the things and people we care about most.  The more we value something, the more we fear losing it.

I don’t stay up all night worrying about your job any more than you stress over where my kids will go to college.  We may have mutual concerns about each other’s welfare, but those concerns won’t cripple us with stress or anxiety.  The gap between fear and concern is a big one.

Thankfully, our hearts only generate fear when our own world is at risk.

This is the first reason we need to listen to fear: it tells you what matters most in your world.  Want to who really has your heart or what you really think is irreplaceable?  Fear will tell you.

Whom we Trust

It will also tell you whom you trust when those valuable things get threatened.

When our world (family, job, health, etc.) is in danger, fear helps us spring into action—protecting and providing whenever we can.  If we can’t do it ourselves, we phone a friend or call in a favor.  These are all healthy ways of responding to threats in our backyard.

Of course, there are times we can’t fix it, protect him, heal her, or solve the riddles that matter most.  Then what?

The “fear light” on my dashboard will not go away until I’ve handed the threat off to someone more capable.  But, what happens when that person doesn’t exist?

This is the heart of the matter, and it’s why listening to fear is so important.  It tells you whom (or what) you trust when it matters most.

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After we’ve exhausted all worldly solutions, we’re left with two options:

Before elaborating, let me address two groups of people:

To the Doubters:

If you don’t consider yourself a believer, or if you have serious doubts about God, I have a special place in my heart for you.  Doubts are something I’ve struggled with for years; some have been resolved, others remain.  So, please hear me out.  If this conversation doesn’t bring you any comfort, you can always return to Option 2.

To the Believers:

If you’re a believer tempted to say, “I already trust God so just give me a good verse or two,” slow down long enough to be honest with yourself:

• When was the last time you were truly comforted by God’s promises?  Be specific. 
• How often do you get a good night’s sleep in the midst of unresolved problems?  
• Is a lack of peace keeping you from enjoying this season of life—right now?
• How often do you laugh uncontrollably?

Often, faith in God is actually faith in God’s willingness to behave predictably.  When God refuses to cooperate with our expectations, we fearfully reevaluate our belief system.  That’s not trust.

For me, trusting God is a two-step process that I have to repeat every time my world feels threatened. 

Be Still and Know

Step One: Be Still

This is the hardest part for me: becoming still, slowing down.

Go to a quiet place and sit.  Don’t talk to anyone.  Your only responsibility is breathing; don’t think about anything other than breathing.  If you care enough to be afraid, then assume you’ve already done whatever is in your capacity to do.  So, stop doing and just be.

Drink some decaf.  Watch Bob Ross or Mr. Rogers until your blood pressure drops.

Step Two: Know that I am God

We all have faith in something.  It’s impossible to prove or disprove God’s existence.  Deciding whether God is there or is not there is an act of faith.  If he’s not there, then you’re back to placing faith in yourself—which works until it doesn’t.  The next time your world gets threatened, the anxiety cycle starts over.

Trusting God is a more reliable source of peace.

Trusting God (or anyone else) is easier said than done.  It doesn’t come natural for me.  I’d rather see myself as an independent problem solver—providing sustenance and solutions for those around me.  Often, that is the case.  Hear me roar. 

When it’s not, I try to tell myself these two things:

Manna is for today

God’s desire is for his children to trust him.[4]  He wants an ongoing conversation with you about the desires of your heart and the challenges you’re facing.  Nowhere is this more clear than his provision of manna in the Egyptian desert.[5]

The catch: they were only allowed to pick up one day’s worth of food at a time—any more than that would spoil overnight.  God used this system to encourage two behaviors:

1. Act on the grace God gave you today.  Get up and do something with the blessing provided.
2. Trust God to provide tomorrow’s food tomorrow.  Until then, refer to Behavior 1.

Every night, the people went to bed with an empty fridge.  Every morning, they woke up to find what they needed—right where God said it would be.

This routine continued for 40 years.  Eventually, I assume it became second-nature: wake up, grab the basket, walk outside—trusting God without fear of whether he was going to “come through” today. 

He could have provided enough manna to last a week (or month, year) at a time, but then the people would have forgotten about him until the food ran out.  The longer the supply lasted, the greater the temptation to trust more in their ability to gather and protect the food than in God’s ability to provide it.

How much anxiety are you generating by trying to solve tomorrow's problems using today's resources? Click To Tweet

Even If is better than What If

When we’re worried, we tend to compound the anxiety with a never-ending list of “what if” scenarios.  Fear is a demanding emotion, and one thing it demands is information: “What if this happens?  What would you do?  Ok, well what if that happens?  How would you handle that?”  On and on it goes.

Sometimes it’s useful to “pregame” solutions for a few likely problems.  But, rarely does the exercise give us peace.  As soon as you resolve one “what if,” it’s replaced by another. 

A more helpful approach is to fast-forward straight to doomsday, addressing the worst-case scenario with a resounding “even if.” [6]

“Yes, even if all of that happens, I’ll still _______.”   [Insert what you know to be true: …have my health, …be married, …have a clear conscious, …know God is with me, etc.]

That kind of faith is utterly unshakeable.  When your soul is strong enough to say “even if,” you’re untouchable—rising above the problems of this world.  Nothing can get to you anymore.  The Air Force calls this resilience. [7]

We see that kind of faith in three young teenagers facing execution.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had never seen God deliver anyone before.  The closest they came to a miracle was reading about it in a book.  Yet they were confident because they trusted God more than they trusted themselves:

How much anxiety are you generating by trying to solve hypothetical "what if" scenarious that never come to pass? Click To Tweet

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God reserves his most comforting and deliberate words for calming your fears and anxieties.  I want to close by sharing just one of the hundreds of verses addressing the topic.

There are a couple of ways to hear the command “Don’t be afraid.”

First, you can read it as you would any other command: “Stop it.  Knock it off.”  If that reading works for you, stick with it.

Another equally valid option is to read it like an encouragement from parent to child. 

For example, when I tell my kids to be careful, they don’t hear “If you’re not safe, you’re in big trouble.”  They know I love them deeply, so (I hope) they receive it as “I don’t want you to be hurt, so please avoid these dangerous things.”

I encourage you to hear Jesus’ words as a kid hears their parents’:

From the Fray,
-bill

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Find the Entire Hey Chaplain Series Here

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[1] I’m aware Freud has been largely discounted by many in the academic community—and even more so by members of the faith community.  Still, I admire his passion and respect his intellect—especially with the topic at hand.

[2] Sigmund Freud, Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, translated by James Strachey (New York; Worton, 1966), 393.

[3] Adapted from “Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest” by Ed Welch (New Growth Press, 2007).

[4] (If you have kids, you want the same thing: them to trust you with their problems and insecurities.) 

[5] I first read this concept in “When I am Afraid” by Ed Welch (New Growth Press, 2010), pp 19f.

[6] I learned this from Kip McCormick, a retired Army officer who now pastors at Cornwall Church. He blogs regularly on LinkedIn.  You can find his posts here.

[7] The current guidance on the Comprehensive Airman Fitness program is AFI90-5001 (Jan 25, 2019).  However, in my opinion, it was not an improvement over its more practical predecessor: AFI90-506 (May 4, 2014).  See also https://www.resilience.af.mil/