“If your desire is to support a fellow human in grief, you must create a ‘safe place’ for people to embrace their feelings of profound loss. This safe place is a cleaned-out, compassionate heart. It is the open heart that allows you to be truly present to another human being’s intimate pain.”
So says Dr. Alan Wolfert, founder of the Center for Loss. Dr. Wolfert developed a model for grief engagement that is rooted in compassion. He calls his model “companioning.” The model is insightful and aligns well with the spirit of biblical compassion and humility. Here are his eleven principles that guide the framework.
- Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
- Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
- Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.
- Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
- Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
- Companioning is about walking alongside;it is not about leading or being led.
- Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling up every moment with words.
- Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
- Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
- Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
- Companioning is about compassionate curiosity; it is not about expertise.